Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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