Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it because I queefed?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
God I need to hump something, right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
