if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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