Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did i walk over a car last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
