why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
