Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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