Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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