apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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