stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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