didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
