Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
