I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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