i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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