So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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