Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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