I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
