Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
