I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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