My nipple is on Facebook.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
