you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
