Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
