Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
50% drunk capacity currently
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize