I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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