yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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