We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
