All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
