He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
