If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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