I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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