I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you had me at cake vodka
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
