just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
