he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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