This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pooping to opera.
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