Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
