sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
