I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
