I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
