i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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