How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize