Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
