Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
