Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
