Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
