It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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