woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
