I skipped work to stalk him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize