Who did Billy Mays play for?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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