The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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