I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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