oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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