I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
