The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
