umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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