It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
