So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
