I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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