im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
