There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
