sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
