Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
