I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
