Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
