Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
