PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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