Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Randomize
