Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
