yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
