We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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