i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
